Love Hunger

(Album recorded in 1986)


By Lee Rector


Part I


♦ ♦ ♦


As changes swirl throughout life

To scatter yon dear time

We settle into space

With good that’s left behind

Held fast by supreme mind

Posting evidence of grace.


The spirit shall be born again.

Shall open eyes

Wide baby’s eyes

To view the star

To hear the sound

Time flashing clean

Into the now

Christ in glory shining stands

And Christmas dawns on man.


I’ll give an example.


When I moved to Nashville

I loaded all my earthly possessions

In a beat up old car and started driving.

Somewhere south of  St. Louis,

It was nighttime,

I started getting an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

It was like I had stretched an imaginary umbilical cord to its limit.

It was like I could no longer go any further as long as it remained attached.

That night as I sped down the highway

I took out an imaginary pair of scissors

And I cut!


From that point on

Life was mine.


Ah, there were times when I came up to the surface

Reaching and grasping

Wanting to take hold of that old withered end

That was left there hanging.

But it could never be put back together.


I guess there were times when I thought I could

When my life was in a pinch

But I couldn’t.

It was symbolic, yet real enough for me

I cut myself loose…

I cut myself free...

And that’s what we all have to do,

Sooner or later.

Someday you’ll decide

And when you do

You’ll cut yourself loose

Just like and everyone must...


♦ ♦ ♦




I think about you still from time to time

With mixed emotions.

Though the hurt is gone away

Love comes into play

And I still miss you.


I know you lied to me.

In secret turned and laughed.

And still I know you care for me.

You were my rod and staff.

For something deep inside of me

Was forever stirred

In the stilling grasp of majesty

Of truth positioned words.


♦ ♦ ♦




He learned early how to still his pleasures.

Guilt to support guilt,

Shame promoting shame.


♦ ♦ ♦


Love Hunger


I hurt you and you left me

Said you’d hate me near forever.

And if I would but beg you back,

Yet pride won’t let me ever.

Oh, must we bear the starkness

Of the darkness

Of love hunger?


Then out it came, the pain

In cries of desperation.

You did not respond

I conned you into thinking

I was lost in desolation.

Yet, in honesty, I lied!

My truth

Was hiding

In the numbness

Of love hunger.


I close my fist on the air.

It’s there before me through my fingers.

Squeezing out at life

Shifting low below me

Yet it lingers.

“Speak,” said I!


Set eye on melting shadow.”


For I long.

Soon I’ll be gone

In the dumbness

Of love hunger.


♦ ♦ ♦




Then all the warm had left her flesh

And she be lying cold.

Yeah, God’s on breath

Won’t bring her back

Ah, soon be growing mold.


And to these elements I sense

A vapor mist exhale.

For as respired in still, still, death

Resolved winds fill her sail.


♦ ♦ ♦




Where did it begin?

How shallow you thinking...

Theatre has always been.

Long before the vast cosmos was formed

Theatre was looming

Unfolding in the minds

Of the always were

And the always will.


And imagine, if you can,

The theatrical spectacle

Of the forming of the suns

And the Galaxies.

And, yes,

Even this tiny spec of a planet

Flying like an electron

Around a sun nucleus

In a whirl yon of infinince.


Ah, theatre has forever been

And will always be...


The life carriers implanting the first sparks

In the sleepy misty lagoons…

Was that not drama?


And the rise of the sea…

And the splitting of the continents…

Drifting island continents across a teeming brine.

Single cells uniting

Complementing each other’s functions

To create another being.


The first step on land…

Was that not a drama?


The reptiles.

The dawn of man.

Oh, what a drama that must have been.


With the soundtrack of nature

And the splashing spectacle of colors

What feature fit

To play before the Gods.

Was that not drama?


You Opened Up My Life


You opened up my life.

My door was shut and closed.

I would not let you in.

I thought I’d never love again.

Now on display I’m posed.

You opened up my life.


You opened up my life.

And when all is wrinkled and old

I still quite see, yet then,

The feeling that I’m leaving

Is coming once again.

You opened up my life.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Dance


Then dance, sweet princess.

Spin and prance.

Spring forth in sheer utterance

Into the arms of  your creator.


Entrance, dream weaver.


White laced gloves of gems incense

Icicles freezing time till later.


For once on pointed toes

Did he but lift your eagle wings to glory.

Like diamonds drenched in spotlight

Did the sparkle of your happy show.


Eyes met and paused in love.

Strings rumbled low in expectation.

Address, embrace, swirl in grace

Above the peak of excitation.


Commence , pliè,

Experience the majesty of audience

In silent stare awaiters.


For all the pain it took to paint illusions trace

Is worth the memories,

So dance, sweet princess,



♦ ♦ ♦


Of My Demise


I die a little now and then…

Of my devise.

Locked in the material sin…

Of my devise.


Excepting “No,” and “Maybe.”


I gladly paid the full amount.

And yet I savor to get out

Of my demise.


The Machine


That hungry mouth cascading ribbons of absurdities to the floor,

Speak to me.

I control you!

I make you talk, laugh, cry, rumble.

Tick away your story,

You cold metal skin-like object,



♦ ♦ ♦


Of Mortality


The sax said its hollow words.

Mother, mother.

The drum ticked its saddened rolls.

Mother, mother.

And as the fire flicked low

One thought

Of all the things that life had taught.

Mother, mother.


The candle sighed a dying breath.

Father, father.

The lamp lighter had met his death.

Father, father.

And darkness came in like a sea

The tallow dried and had to freeze.

Father, father, father.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Darr


Bolstering great boisterous blabber

High promises were made.

And the self-dubbed Cordelia spake

In echoing waves of absurdities.

And hearing those loud claps of thunder

Eyes were turned away

Save one who listened, trusted.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Henrietta


You wear your feelings like a feathered cap

Atop a mound of hair.

Cascading floor-length dress

And diamonds dripping from your wrist

Into a clutch purse closed to giving and receiving.

Shock treatments!


Any warmth of interchange.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Promise


Make me the poet laureate

To ride in limousine

Reciting before egghead words

Verse expired of inspiration.

Imaginations cliché.

Take me from gaunt and gray surroundings

To the cabaret.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Theft


We were talking on the concept of Universe time,

Mike and I.

He tried to write it earlier and exposed it to me.

Little did he know that I was stealing his idea

Right then and there.

For here, “Don’t worry about the copyright Mike,” I said

“Who would try to steal your ideas on universe time?



♦ ♦ ♦


The Diversion


My dogs.

There’s four of them.

They chew on bones

Unaware of poetry that flows around the room.

They chew.


♦ ♦ ♦


Soul Hunger


I’m hungry.

Please feed me.

Feed me with a message.


My soul burns.


We all, bar none


We suffer for the miracle

Of awareness.

We ache and yearn for enlightenment.


When quiet,

Yes it’s true,

When we go deep within ourselves,

Observe the parade of thoughts.

We know we are someone.

We are.

I am.

I am observer of my thoughts.

They are not me.

I can.

I can choose my thoughts.

I can choose to be




♦ ♦ ♦


The Collection


And now it’s time for the talk.

I have the words,

All of them,

In a box.

I look at them from time to time.

And I have the recordings,

All of them.

They’re in a cabinet.

I don’t listen to the recordings.

But I have them.


♦ ♦ ♦


On Being


Day moon waxing high and blue

Solar system

Orbital plains

Revolving orbs of time and space


Nucleic center

Paradisiacal spot

Omnipresent circuit

Gravity of mind and spirit balance






That is what I sense

Looking into your being.

You are one

And I am one with you.

All are you

And I

Are all

And now

In while there is

No autumn, spring,

But now


In, I be with you.

A right.

A dark..


♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦





Part II


♦ ♦ ♦



The Wish


May something happen to open the eyes of people widely?

After taming the elements,

Domesticating the land,

Creating shelter,

Fat bellies,

Beauty parlors,

May a window open to the receptivity of meaning.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Prologue


Here we are in the silence of the dark.

But imagine if you can or have the mental spark

That once there was nothing at all, except the dark.


Imagine if you can the inexistence of light.

And if you have the will to think, see eternal night.

So you see there is a thing of insanity

In the belief that nothing at all can be.


But now let’s have the dawn with its reddish glow

To bring us back into the existence we all know.

Here in the light is a kinder field, and yet,

There are implications we must not forget.


So lean back in your chair now, for it’s not so bad.

Wisp away the myth of nothing for it is only sad.

You see, by theory, this is just a play.

We all know its effect will never stay.

To pleasantries now we shall speed

Entertainment is your need.


(Excerpt: Stonehenge)




♦ ♦ ♦


The Narrator


Plays have a spokesman or a narrator normally.

Since there is no one else here, it will have to be me.

So let’s go back a while in time, back to the dawn of man

And let’s progress through this dawn to see

If the sun will not set upon a great folly .

And then perhaps we will see with our lifeless eyes

Enough to make us stop a while,

Give cause to analyze,

The sights we see upon the stage

Illuminated from history’s page.


This is a critical time

For any time is critical.

So here we sit in limbo

In a critical time.


It matters not when, or where, or how, or why

For all times are critical,

And no plays have lasting affects upon the times.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Shepherd


As the lonely shepherd gazed into the stars

From his grassy Urantia hillside

He slowly came to the realization that he was not alone.

A companion was inside of him.

And like his companion

His contemplation was deep.


He spoke out loud,

And the word that came forth on his breath formed  “Yaw weh” on his lips,

And from such a realization,

Seven superuniverses smiled in unanimous approval.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Father


When God, whichever God he was,

Created the Universe…

We know he made the earth a turning sphere so delicately poised

That water flowed in waves beneath the wind

And oceans arms encircled the rough globe.


At God’s touch, lakes, springs, dancing waterfalls

Streamed downhill into valleys

Glancing through rocks, grass, wind-flowered meadows.


Some ran their silver courses underground.

Others raced into the seas and broader oceans

And poured from distant hills to furtherest shores.


Then God willed plain, plateau, and fallen sides of hills

And deep leaved forests.

Over them he willed rock-bodied mountains against the sky.


As in the highest heaven he has two zones, above, below,

And his great isle to the left, to the right, to the front, to the rear,

With dark bodies surrounding, banishing light

From all who look inward, but have not eyes to see...

And he has other zones ... Divinington ... posted

Where none may land....


So God made zones on the earth...

... Sun burnt deserts, naked with heat, where none may live...

At each extreme, a land of snow

And at their sides

Two zones of temperate winds, and sun, and shifting cold.


(Excerpt: Stonehenge)




♦ ♦ ♦


The System


The Angona system sucking gasses from the sun…

Great surges of cosmic lightening…

Spinning balls of gas collecting, cooling, billions of years.

Water condensing. Landmasses forming.

Continental drifts, settling, preparation

For the implantation of life...


Thus comes the Life Carriers.

Thus forms the Amoeba.

From this we crawl out of the sea.


Thus intelligent man.


(Excerpt: Stonehenge)




♦ ♦ ♦


The Observer


Ash, cold ashes, that was the color of the swell

As I sat gazing from a spot warn smooth by me on this rocky Grecian hillside.

There is a sameness in this place, just as there is in the sunrise

Which I settled to observe.


My little island, a boat, in yet a larger ship

Circumnavigating through the dark and light of seemingly endless cycles.

Below the village was beginning to open its eyes.

Fishermen on the pier repairing their nets,

And tourists packing their bags to load on the coming steamer

Which would ferry them to airports.

But I, with my bottle of wine,

Was deeply preoccupied in making sure

The sun would in fact rise.

That being a daily position for me for as long as I cared to remember,

And what an important chore it was.


Uncorking the bottle I could by then clearly be sure

That the sun had not moved overnight

For the gray was turning into violet.

I put the bottle to my lips and tilted back my head to let the flow enter.

The wait was over.

Now turning pink

I was sure the sun remained stationary.


Standing and stretching the stiffness out of my legs

I began the long descent to the cottage below.

The ants, loading their boats,

Unsuspecting as they were

Carried on with their life routines

As though they had little care about the matters

Concerning me or the Universe.


It was then my sandal snagged a stone

And tugging with my foot I dislodged a most marvelous discovery.


♦ ♦ ♦


The Vacuum


I’ve often had this feeling that I was going to shrivel away

As if a great vacuum from within the earth

Was going to suck the consistency out of my body

Leaving no remains but that of a raisin.


The urge got so great at times I had to fight the pull to hold myself erect.


(Excerpt To The Bar)




♦ ♦ ♦




Ever since I’ve been old enough to contemplate existence,

I’ve been postponing suicide.

That’s about it.

Knowing some day I’d have to escape.

Not necessarily from life,

I love it more than most,

But from the insanity of going on.


Postponing suicide.

Thinking maybe somehow things would turn,

Or I would be fortunate enough to be killed

Or die of disease instead.


Postponing suicide.

Perhaps thinking someday I could do something to help mankind.

But most of all,

Postponing suicide

Because of fear.


Not fear of the unknown.

But fear of the familiar.

Fear of what people might say afterward.


Postponing suicide because of a fear

Of that mass mind and what it can do to your name.


Why did he do it?

What got into that fellow?

He must have been a lunatic.


You see no one would understand.

That’s what life has done to me.

Postponing suicide.

Putting the inevitable off until

At last until it has become too late

To either live or die.

Postponing Suicide

Unitl it’s



(Excerpt To The Bar)




♦ ♦ ♦


Sleeping Bear


Bear’s lying there.

Just look at him

Poor thing.


He has not a thought.

He’s just lying there asleep.

With his mind so dulled that not even dreams emerge.


Bear’s lying there.

Nothing’s on his mind.

Poor old thing.


He tries so hard...

But now

He’s just lying there.


Bear’s lying there,

No thoughts,

Just lying there sleeping.


Bear’s lying there.

He’s escaped now.

Everything’s fine until tomorrow.


Bear’s lying there,

In a state

Which is his way to go.


Bear’s lying there,

Away from the world

In a mist of nothing....


Bear’s lying there,

Half gone, un man

Can’t stand himself otherwise.


Lie there Bear.

Enjoy it now.

Tomorrow will come.

And again it will be tomorrow night

With you lying there away from the world...




♦ ♦ ♦


© 2001, Lee Rector, Reno, NV, USA,  606 Nebadon

Unauthorized reproduction prohibited.

All Rights Reserved