A Notebook To God
By Lee Rector
These papers were written when I was 23 and 24 years old.
These files lay asleep in a filing cabinet for 30 years. At posting, it is 2001.
They are posted as written, 30 years earlier in 1971. In many instances philosophies have
Been expanded and revisited many times in the ensuing three decades
Since these papers were written. In 1977, I discovered The Urantia Book
Which cemented many of the questions I had sought to have answered
In my personal quest for understanding and truth. For example, my views
Of evil, sin and iniquity are much more benevolent today than when I
Was grappling with the guilt of entering adulthood. I present these
Papers in hopes that they may be of some good to someone, sometime.
Thank you for clicking.
♦ ♦ ♦
Iím scared. But not for myself. I have found myself.
Iím scared for my country and for the people who
Are rampant in greed and selfish momentary pleasures
At this very moment.
It takes no effort to love God, yet some people fear
It takes nothing from you, yet some people fear
It gives. It teaches you to give.
What sinners are afraid of is loosing the right to sin,
And the license for evil.
What sinners cling so desperately to are the evil
Forces guiding their lives. And these are the things
That you will be relieved of though God.
The anxieties you feel now are because of self-inflicted pain.
The pains of evil.
Somehow there is a great deal of pleasure derived from
These painful sensations, but I promise you that there
Is a greater pleasure in store for those who listen.
♦ ♦ ♦
God is waiting for you to listen.
God is not a clinical psychologist.
God is not a psychiatrist.
God is your maker, and your Father, and his justice prevails.
It is you and you aloneÖnot your family or peers
Who influence you on earthÖbut you alone who takes
Your soul into the unknown realm beyond life.
You will not spend eternity with your peers.
You will be spending the rest of eternity with your soul.
It must be made right.
It must be something you can life with.
♦ ♦ ♦
An Apostate Prayer
It is my desire and duty to maintain free
Expression of what I know to be right
And righteous, not to be persuaded or enticed
By evil to follow my lower instincts, but
To maintain honor, honesty and dedication
To my Guiding Spirit and myself in all I
Endeavor and encounter with my fellow man
For this is my goal and my purpose.
I have seen the darkness and the inner
Depths of evil in mankind.
Yet not to late to find myself and
Change the guiding forces in my mind.
Iím climbing from the cellar to the attic
To remove a baneful bind.
♦ ♦ ♦
footnote on Apostate Prayer Ö
This is what started the notebook. I had
Been asking for help, my mind was screaming
At me. My subconscious was punishing me
For all I had done.
I knew to achieve, or regain, sanity the only
Alternative I had was to
Dedicate my lifeís work to the Guiding Spirit,
And renounce all evil.
It was surprisingly easyÖand as time went on
I felt cured without spending any effort.
It took some time to begin to trust the feeling,
Because so often I had the same sense of well
Being, but it was only temporary and I always
Reverted back to my old self.
I canít deny enjoying the ďold selfĒ, I did.
But it was in no way a comparison to the tranquility
And sense of well being I achieved from the Spirit.
And the longer you follow Him, the more effort you
Put into your devotion, the greater the rewards,
Until you can sense a sensation of celestial pleasure
Which surpasses any sensation I have ever received
From any activity on earth.
You must believe God will help you. He will.
But you must reject evil to receive the help of
He says that thereís not enough room for him and
The evil both. You must put iniquity out and invite
God to come in.
I am convinced that this is the only way to be free,
The only way to be happy, the only way to understand
Life and participate in life.
♦ ♦ ♦
♦ ♦ ♦
God, the sky was strange this morning
And it made me wonder if today was not
The Judgment day. I almost anticipated
The final confrontation.
It seems, God, that every day is a judgment
Day for some, but today you gave me another
Chance to make myself ready.
Grant me the strength, dear Lord, that I may be
Ready today and every day for my judgment.
For, God, I repent of my sins, for which
I am most honestly ashamed and sorry and
I must use them to make me alert to
I pray, when you test me Lord, that I
Can withstand temptation and have the
Strength to turn from what I recognize
As wrong to do what you instruct me
♦ ♦ ♦
God, it seems that I am always in a hurry,
But I donít know why. I rush and speed to
Get somewhere then just sit down and wait,
And I donít know what I am waiting for.
Sometimes I wish that the heavenly spirit
Would descend up on me, cleanse me of my sins
And take me away from earth. But I guess that
Would be too easy.
I know that I manufacture a lot of my own
Troubles, God, and sometimes I wonder why I
Was blessed (or cursed) with a sensitive
Reality seems to escape me God, and I donít
Even know if I can trust my senses to believe
The things I see, the things I hear, the things
I feel, at times I canít believe in myself, God.
Please light my soul with knowledge and understand
And love, so I can better relate to myself,
My senses and to others.
♦ ♦ ♦
Dear God, I am many people, I fear a hypocrite.
I read that all will be brought out into the
Open and no secret will be left uncovered
In the final reckoning.
For, God, if I donít say unkind things
About others, I wont think them. And God, I donít
Want to hurt anyone. I donít want others to
Think that I am cruel.
When Iím cruel and unfair to others, I am
Cruel and unfair to myself and my soul.
I am many people God, with many drives and many
Talents and many interests.
Help me to mold these many people together,
Into one spirit working for the good of mankind.
♦ ♦ ♦
God, Iím afraid!
I guess being afraid is a sign of a lack of faith
In some ways, because I should not have to fear
But Iím afraid of life, God, and other people
Iím afraid that I wonít be able to meet up to my convictions
And promises that I have made to you this time.
And it is most important that I do this.
And Iím afraid that life will overcome me with
Earthly trivia and absurdity.
And Iím afraid of the temptations others offer me.
It seems they threaten me. That must mean that I
Am also a threat to them.
Help me to understand fear, God.
And maybe God, for some reason, Iím afraid of being
Too faithful, afraid of total devotion to your spirit
Because I fear I will loose some of my freedom and
Fear doesnít seem to make sense, doe it God?
Help me to overcome fear.
♦ ♦ ♦
Dear Lord, I was just thinking about the abuse
The heavenly spirit has suffered over the past
From a proclamation of the death of God to
Zealous youth shouting in ritual love of Christ
As they dance in driving rhythms in the streets.
Mine, dear God, is a quiet faith. Between you
And me-type faith.
But may I never deny my faith
To any man, for fear that I would harm my faith.
I am not ashamed of my faith.
I suppose people celebrate the Lord in all
Different types of ways. I prefer to celebrate
With a silent tear of joy, for my suffering
Was not a group suffering, but an individual
But God, you saved me from myself, and that
Is something only you and I can share.
I celebrate you Lord, in silence I celebrate
♦ ♦ ♦
God, I feel good today!
Often, I notice I donít pray about good things.
Usually when I pray, I want help or need something.
But today, God, I feel good.
I feel bright and young and new.
I feel happy and excited and well.
Itís a beautiful day, God.
And today I remember that it belongs
To you, and is your gift to me.
Thereís nothing really special about today
Except life. I hope I donít ruin it by
Doing something I might regret.
Thank you for today, God.
May be thereís a tomorrow.
♦ ♦ ♦
I have the desire to pick up and leave this place.
To walk away and forget all about what I would
Leave behind me. To burn some bridges, if you like.
But the great disappointment, Lord, is that once
I got to the other side of the river, there would
Still be what I am running from Ė Me.
God, I canít escape my soul and I canít run and hide
From my conscience. I guess I could numb them with
Alcohol and drugs, but I can never get away from them.
So why would I want to escape from myself in the first place?
I guess itís because I have done some things that have shamed
My heart, my conscience, my soul and my spirit.
Asking forgiveness and making these things as right as
I humanly can would be better than running, because
I canít run away from myself.
God, help me to make my soul and my spirit a thing
That I am proud of, a thing that I can live with, a thing
I can share with others.
Help me use the strength you have given me to try
And correct mistakes I have made in the past and to put
My life together and in order.
And God, help me to overcome shame, to find value
In myself and in others.
Take away my suspicions and skepticisms so I can believe,
Trust and love to a fuller degree.
Most of all, dear God, help me to learn to love myself,
My soul, my spirit. For this, dear Father, is imperative.
Help me to love and understand on earth what I must carry
With me through eternity.
Help me unveil the darkness from my soul to
Feed it with light, right understanding and love.
♦ ♦ ♦
God, time has made me unhappy with my situation in life.
Iím not yet settled and ready to stop searching for
Myself and my spirit and the forces of life.
I need the strength to change my situation, the
Patience to wait for the right time, and the courage
To do so unfalteringly without bitterness or
It was said that you will help us with the words
To say, if we have faith enough to rely upon you
For the right words.
God, I trust there are no better hands in which
To place my life.
Iím sure, if I let you, I will be led to happiness.
Take my life for your purpose.
♦ ♦ ♦
God, I have been noticing how much I ask of you.
And it is because of your love and guidance that
I am able to maintain sanity.
I ask you to help me overcome evil and you do so.
I ask you to help me overcome fear and you do so.
I ask you to help me overcome myself and you do so.
I ask you to help me understand the forces of life,
And you do so.
I ask you to give me confidence and happiness
And you do so.
All these things you have done for me and I am grateful,
But they are hard to accept. I feel guilty about
Accepting so much without giving in return.
I must ask again for help, dear Lord.
Please grant me the strength and courage to give
Back to the Lord in return for what I have received.
Grant me the wisdom to do your work on earth,
The power to help ease other menís loads and
The generosity to share your miracle with those
Who need you.
I ask Lord, now that you have my sanity, Grant my
Life meaning that I may share with others.
For it is through unselfishness that I will obtain
Freedom and freedom is the ultimate quest of man.
♦ ♦ ♦
God, you made me of flesh.
Flesh is cold and warm, soft and rough, tinder and tough.
Flesh betrays my spirit.
I wish that I could change the laws you laid down for
Us a little sometimes, God, so that I could include some
Other things, although I know that your laws are right
And I must obey them.
Itís just that my flesh hungers as does my soul.
Must I learn to curb my appetites to be in better health?
♦ ♦ ♦
God, Iím angry!
Iím angry because some people have promised me
Things that they did not intend to carry through.
This affects my earthly well being and I know
That I am told not to worry about these things,
But God, itís hard for me to be honest,
When Iím surrounded by dishonesty, and it is
Hard for me to be trustworthy when I am surrounded
I feel like saying, ďWhat the hell?Ē but I know
What that means.
Is there anyway, dear Lord, to get what I
Deserve both on earth and in heaven?
But can I be any kind of a judge of what I deserve?
Please help me guard my tongue and curb my anger
So I can say the right things and deal fairly with
Those I resent and those I fear.
♦ ♦ ♦
God, itís time for a change.
Things have been going pretty smoothly the past
Few weeks, too smoothly.
Itís time for a challenge, an obstacle, a struggle.
A happy life must be an active life for me, God.
I have energy to spend and creative power to
Un-harness. I am a dynamo of enthusiasm and am
Ready to come bursting forth with a challenge.
God grant me a challenge for the good of man.
Itís time, and Iím ready to start my work.
Playing a game with life can no longer satisfy
My spirit. I need to create a role and assemble
Help me, God, to find this challenge and meet
It head on with all my soul and will
♦ ♦ ♦
God, when I first prayed to you for help,
I asked you to take my life, for I could
No longer control, it.
I had every intention of going back on my word
As soon as I felt better.
But youíve done more for me than I asked for.
I just wanted to live for another to another
Drink and another fix.
Now I have lived a number of days without them
And Iím afraid I may go back.
I canít explain why.
It may be because I donít feel ready, or important
Enough to hold the secrets and security you have
Oh, God, make me feel important enough.
Save me from returning to darkness.
I fear if I went back this time I would never return.
Donít let me degrade myself anymore. Make me feel too
Important to let myself go back, because I am God.
I am too important to degenerate.
♦ ♦ ♦
God, now that I am seeking a change it scares me
The unknown is very excitingly spooky, because
You donít know what itís about.
I asked you to un-harness my potential.
I know I have it, but Iíve never rally used it.
So now I just want to explode with enthusiasm
And reach a natural high that will keep me going
For a long time.
I want to re-fuel and charge up so the change
Wonít scare me, so Iíll scare it.
♦ ♦ ♦
Dear Lord, the pattern of my life has reached a standstill.
I am walking on a treadmill at a slow pace.
When I was young, God, I did not think life would be like this.
Where are the challenges?
Where can I go?
What can I do?
I must answer these questions and take some changes.
I pray when I make my decisions and steps towards progress
You will guide me and help me say and do the right things,
The good things, the honorable things.
Guide my progress, Lord, toward the light and save me from
Darkness and evil.
May you be the conqueror of my mind and my will and my soul.
♦ ♦ ♦
I have begun to feel as though I can understand life
A little better.
I understand that life is the chance to enhance the
Spirit, rather than the flesh.
I understand that the flesh will die and the spirit
Abandons the flesh in search of another home.
I can see a spirit wandering lost in the universe.
I can see spirits that suffer from the tortures of
Shame and guilt through eternity, and I can see
Spirits at peace, at rest in the light worshiping
God, the maker and controller of the universe.
Lord, I want to find peace for my soul. I want to
Repent of my sins and be born again, to
Start my life over.
I want to fly like a moth toward the light, toward
What is right and good.
I also, Lord, do understand your laws.
For some reason the rebelliousness of my human nature
Had to disobey your laws and only through sin did I
Learn to understand sin, did I learn to fear, respect
And strive to honor and obey your laws.
God, I reach out for your love.
I understand that to receive your love I must show you
Respect and love in return by obeying your commandments,
By spreading the word and by striving to give others
All that I have to give to their advantage.
I have a place and a purpose on earth.
Itís something I must make for myself.
I have a future.
Itís something that I must shape for myself.
♦ ♦ ♦
For some reason, Father, I have thought of myself
As an exception to the rule.
I guess this goes back as far as I can remember.
Rules were for other people, not for me to follow.
I am an exception, but not to the rules.
My way of being an exception must be to follow the
Rules, to obey the laws and to try to persuade others
To do the same.
Our world needs particularly today exceptional people
To set the examples, to be the exceptions for others
To look up to.
Grant me the strength, dear Father, to be an exception
And the voice to encourage others.
♦ ♦ ♦
God, I tell you lately that I have begun to understand
The reasons for laws, and for obedience.
Yet there are things I see every day that I canít understand.
They pertain to the ways of man.
Yet somehow I can label them all.
They label as jealousy, envy, greed, ignorance, pride and
On and on.
I understand the emotions.
But God, I see things happening every day that I
They all pertain to ways of men.
Is there anything I can do?
♦ ♦ ♦
I understand the things I must do, Lord.
Now instead of talking about it and asking
For the courage to do so, I must take the risk.
I understand the courses of action I must take, God.
NowÖI must take them!
♦ ♦ ♦
God, I hate myself for some of the things that
I have done and I am one of those persons who
Tends to live in the past.
If I could overcome this, I could forge onward
Making greater and faster progress.
When I hate myself, God, I have a tendency to
Try to make others hate me too.
Help me overcome my past and teach me how to love,
How to make commitments to my spirit, myself
And others and to follow them through.
I donít want to hate.
♦ ♦ ♦
Lord, you are a stern God.
Your commandments demand that mankind live in a civilized
Way in consideration of other men, worshiping God as one,
As the creator of the universe and this life.
These times, God, though relatively speaking may be no more
Critical than past times, are critical times.
In our country it is obvious that a moral decay is taking place.
This universe is a large and frightening place for a lost
I donít want to see any of us flung to the darkest depths
Convince us, Lord, for you are a kind God and men will listen,
For they are already condemned and have but one trip they must
♦ ♦ ♦
My goals are to obey your laws, to enjoy life and
Not to step on the feet of others in doing so.
To bring pleasures, and entertainment, and laughter,
And music, and wise words as food for thought.
To leave a good name behind, one to which people
Will say, ďThat was a good man.Ē
To spread the word and joy of life to all.
To prove people really can be happy by being
To leave my corner of the world a better place.
These, Dear God, are my goals.
Please help me realize them with your blessing.
♦ ♦ ♦
Outside there is a blue sky and wonderments that
Cannot be explained.
Outside there are continents and oceans that span
Around a charted sphere that houses the species of man.
And inside here, we keep records and computer keypunch
Cards on a population leaving almost no one unrecorded.
God there is a force of mankind here that must work
Together as one world to concentrate their efforts
On the preservation of this earth.
Civilization seems almost a step backwards for this planet.
May we discover how to maintain your creation
And rebuild rather than destroy?
♦ ♦ ♦
This world is the only thing I know.
My hopes and desires and future plans all somehow come
Back to and evolve around this world.
At times I get mixed up between the spiritual world
And this world.
Please, Lord, may I grow to understand them better and
Accept this world on an animal level and learn to strive
For and know the spiritual world on a higher spiritual level?
Help me to understand, dear Lord, discipline of the flesh
That is necessary to maintain an elevated spirit and help
Me to grow to know both lives in a way which will satisfy
Both my spirit and my conscious mind.
♦ ♦ ♦
I have a language centered around earthly terms and
Labels that do not communicate emotions and sensations
And revelations of the spirit.
I find that I have no way to describe my sensations
But with cumbersome fumbling of my language.
Lord, how can I say my love?
It must be by action rather than by verbalisms.
I must do so you can see that I love you.
I must perform so as to show you that I believe.
The insufficiencies of my language, Lord, hinders me
But the desire in my soul for your grace encourages me.
Grant me, Lord, the knowledge of ways to communicate
My love, my will, and my desires for your love and grace.
11/12/71 (24th birthday)
♦ ♦ ♦
Today with myself I celebrate commemoration of
An anniversary, my birthday.
It is a miracle I can understand, a celebration of
The beginning of my life on earth.
And though I have grown older, Lord, I still remain the
Same as I trace back over the years, birthday after birthday.
I guess I am no more confused than any other man.
Iím certain that I know no more than any other man.
I can not predict the future and can but imagine the inevitable.
Itís a simple miracle, Lord Ė
The miracle of life, just as is every other man,
Animal, insect, and vegetable a miracle of life.
Lord, I have fought life.
I have tried to change the meanings and ways of life
To suit me and still I stand here just the same as
The helpless child that was born so many years ago today,
A helpless child.
What I have been asking you these past weeks, is God,
May I be able to accept the miracle of myself, and may
I take my fate and do the best job I can with it
No matter where it takes me.
I have been a dreamer, God, and have dreamed of high seas,
And Shang-ri-las† over which I could be the ruler.
But it looks like Iím too selfish to rule other people.
And I pray, God that humanity can become intelligent
Enough to see through the masks of selfishness and elect
Proper men to try to save our planet.
I may never be a king, Lord, but please, may my fate
Take a direction that will not disgrace my miracle, my life.
♦ ♦ ♦
Somehow, somewhere along the way, Lord, I
Got the impression that humility, righteousness,
Obedience, faith and religion in general was unmanly.
I canít recall when or just where this happened,
But it did.
I never took my lesson too seriously until the fate
I faced became too serious to take.
God, you are the source of masculinity, for you are
The creator of man.
And in contrast, the devil, the tempter is the blue
Force of evil that tempted woman.
I fell out of your grace.
Now, God, I gain strength from your love.
I gain the part of masculinity I felt missing.
I became a whole man through your love
What an addition to such an empty shell!
♦ ♦ ♦
I have found myself waiting to start living.
I started waiting a long time ago, even before
I was a boy scout. I started waiting to live.
I thought that I would at least wait until I got
Out of high school to start living. But then,
I postponed it till I got out of college. Then
I waited again and again and again to start to live.
Lord, I discover I can no longer wait to start living.
Father, I am living now, this is my life.
Only through your love, I find, can I start living.
Only through the transmission of love can I go on
Father, I find I cannot put off to tomorrow
Any longer the love and the manifestation of your
Spirit that I need and crave today.
God, I am alive and God, I am living now, today.
May I wait no more to realize myself through your love.
For you are my Father, you God, are the Father of man,
The Father of the universe, the source of light and
Of love and of happiness.
I reach for the light and you grant me life.
I have died and am born to life again.
Glory be to the Father, the God of man.
♦ ♦ ♦
There were four homicides here last night.
It takes a mighty lonely man to gun down another.
In an age when people are going wild, Lord, we need
More people who are turning mild.
Help us to spread the joy and love around so we can
Help each other soften the trivial blows of live and temper
Our emotions to laugh again, to be kind, to turn mild.
♦ ♦ ♦
Thank you for this day.
You have made this day for me and mine, us and ours,
You and yours.
The miracle of day, Dear God, happening over and over,
Is no easy thing to overlook, but we so often do, yet
With the joy of your love beaming inside and out all
Around there is no other thing for me to do than to
Smile, for you love teaches me to love and the joy
Of your love teaches me to smile.
Dear God, may I bring joy to other lives and may I carry love
With me wherever I go to sprinkle around and to help
May I transmit joy, may I transmit love, may we all
Find trueness of life and spread our love.
♦ ♦ ♦
I think you for this day.
It is a good day, God. A good day for good men
And good women and good children.
It is a day filled with the joy of life from one
Pole to the other, from one continent to another.
May we have direction, God, so that all good men
In all good places may work together to build
A world in which men can live together, apart,
♦ ♦ ♦
I feel a desire to scream my joy across the room,
Across the street, across the state.
You have helped me come to know myself and the
True reason why a person must seek the higher
Things in this life.
I have a tremendous desire to help others and
A strong urge to give of myself.
I feel a surge of energy that has been released
From my soul.
It is the light that has been waiting to come out.
I feel optimism. I feel special.
I feel you care about me and that makes me
Care more about me and what I do with me.
God, I feel loved and that makes me want to love.
God I feel joy and that makes me want to spread joy.
God, I feel better and that, in all of the universe,
Is what makes sense.
♦ ♦ ♦
Today is a fine day.
Today I am turning some mental hang-ups of mine
Out to pasture.
Lord, there is nothing wrong with me.
There is nothing wrong with my mind or my body.
I may have convinced a few people that there
Some things wrong and at times had myself believing
It too, but Lord, there is nothing wrong with me.
I am an individual, myself not others, and I have
My own ways of doing some things. I have my
Strengths and weaknesses as do all men, I recognize
Them, and must act accordingly.
With my soul in the hands of Christ and with your
Help and your blessing, Lord, I can and will accomplish
♦ ♦ ♦
If every flake of snow is an individual in itself
Created by nature to stretch across the sky and
Blow across the land for an undetermined span of life,
If a snow flake can be so significant, how carefully
Formed, how meticulously designed must be every man.
How distinguished must we all be,
How carefully preserved, that each life be a building
Stone in the foundation of mankind and of history.
There are no inappreciable people, but instead a
World full of magnificent giants.
If we could all remember this, there would be no
Need for atrocities, no need for crime.
♦ ♦ ♦
We have been worrying about what might be, what
Could happen, what may result.
This is a silly and illogical way to approach life.
We should not worryÖwe should not presuppose,
Then we canít be disappointed.
We should take things as they fall before us
For better and for worse, and not worry about
What might happen or how we may react.
Let us take life as it comes and it will be alright
As long as we obey your rules and love one another
As we love ourselves.
♦ ♦ ♦
Bad habits, distorted dreams, life-long ambitions
I am reaching for your Lord, in a time I need
I come to you for the energy and the power of life
The glory of regeneration and uplifting of the soul.
I come to you to live again, heavy with
Burdens, weary and tired of my shallow
Way of life, I come to you, Lord for love
For understanding to rebuild on an old dream
On a half-forgotten past, on a future,
On hope, and brightness. I come
To you, Lord.
♦ ♦ ♦
God, today above all I need your help.
I need your help for guidance to think straight.
I need your help to focus my eyes on a goal
And on something worthwhile to work for in the
God, Today I need your love and understanding
And I pray youíll be here when I need you.
♦ ♦ ♦
Help me to assemble the facts in my mind so that
I can concentrate on the right direction and not
On all the little distractions that come in mind.
Help me to form the energy and power to get my job
Done, to fall in line and do my duties and not
To sit and worry about it.
Help me to achieve a calm sense of peace of mind
So that I will be able to go through my activities
Relaxed and with confidence.
Lord, there is so much to enjoy in life, so much
You have laid out for us. Please, may I not become
So confused, so guilt-ridden, so full of shame,
So encapsulated in the frenzy and problems of today
That I loose my unity with God and the Universe.
May I pulsate in rhythm with the rest of the stars
And the seas and the streams and the grasses, in unity.
Lord, now I understand hell, may I reunite
Myself with heaven?
♦ ♦ ♦
Beyond the glass of your eyes is a beautiful world
In which there is no fear of live, no fear of death,
No guilt, no shame.
You can break the sadness of your eyes, you can crack
Your lips with a smile, you can again listen to the
Words of others and you can speak with confidence againÖ.
You can light up the inside of your head
Here there is happiness and love, dear friend.
All you must do is speak to God and he will give it to you.
He will restore you and remove your fears.
You want to go back, you want to return.
All you need to do is ask for forgiveness
And the Lord will restore your sanity.
And with God for you, who could be against you?
♦ ♦ ♦
God, itís really hard when you find that
Youíve been wrong all of your life.
I mean, honest and earnestly wrong.
My approach was that, ďIím going to do it my way.
I donít care what anyone says, Iím going to do it my way.Ē
And it didnít work.
My way, or the way I set up as my way, was the wrong way.
That doesnít mean that everyone elseís was the right way,
But my approach was wrong.
I have seen both sides now and many opposites.
Itís a wearisome idea to change a lifetime of ways,
Wrong or right, but I must.
Search for and seek out the right way and
Change my approach to life in a migration toward the light.
I have no need to hurt myself. I donít have time.
♦ ♦ ♦
I remember reading that to he who much is given,
Much is required.
This is the case with us.
We accept much from you lord, and require much,
But we must remember that gratitude for what
We receive from you is our duty to you.
We thank you God.
I thank you. Over and over again all afternoon,
I thank you.
For you teach me how to live, how to love,
How to enjoy life.
You take away my fears and replace them with
And I thank you, God. I to whom much is given.
♦ ♦ ♦
How I have tried to pursue the world to think as I.
How I have wasted effort to persuade people to act as I.
I see these mistakes all around my life.
I instead, should have persuaded other to think as
Christ taught us.
I should be a disciple of Christ rather than
One who gets in the way of your message.
I should Öno LordÖI will.
I will your will
May your will be my will.
♦ ♦ ♦
Love is coming.
It is coming from you and it is coming from Christ
Lord, love is felt in the heart and the mind,
Love is peaceful, love is kind.
Love is quiet, love is good,
Love is doing what we should.
Love, the source of all power,
Has fallen on our souls this hour.
Teach us to do right, we pray,
To practice love throughout the day.
Love is simple, love is meek
Love is strength for the weak.
Love is coming.
It is coming from you and it is coming from Christ,
♦ ♦ ♦
Clean is the feeling like fresh spring water rising blue
Out of the depths of the earth, or snow streams washing
Rocks on the mountainsides.
God, clean is like a motherís care who scrubbed you squeaky
In the bath and wrapped you with a soft white towel
And hugged your shivers away.
God, clean is young and fresh like a puppy with sealed
Eyes, searching for his warm mama.
God clean is spring rain and fresh snow and blue skies
And green ocean and dew on grass and autumn leaves
And rosebuds and you, God.
You come into my life and pour fresh clean hope and
New ideas and new courage and naivety and re-discovery
And joy and power and celebration like a fresh drawn
Bubble bath waiting for me to settle back and relax into,
Lord, life, a miracle, sweet breath and cumulous white dreams
Of refreshing newness in our hearts through live,
♦ ♦ ♦
Where does this lead to?
Iíll walk it and see.
I have the time,
For itís master of me.
I tried everything once
But may never again
Peek back inside
The window of sin.
Iím not weary, Lord
I have not been oíer trod.
Iíve made my peace with my soul,
Iíve made friends with God.
Iíve made right, best I could,
The wrongs I have done.
I have prayed for forgiveness
And found that I got some.
I discovered that Iím not
As strong as I thought
I lesson of hard knocks
That cannot be taught.
And knowing my weakness
I found that I can,
Accept trial and meekness
And call myself man.
♦ ♦ ♦
Help me to be a spreader of joy.
A passer of good tidings from one person to another.
May I find love, not resentment,
In my fellowmen
And give nothing but love in return.
Itís a happy day, God.
And they can be better.
♦ ♦ ♦
Life is what you think you are.
Youíve heard that said before.
Think you are a happy note
And youíll float right out the door.
Life should be in harmony
With mind, and heart and soul
In meter and in melody
With dreams and hopes and goals.
Yes, joy is what you feel it is
And what you spread around
To salt your pathways with bliss
So gloom cannot be found.
♦ ♦ ♦
The solution came today!
And I want to thank you for the answer.
Itís funny how long it took me to figure it out,
But the answer is really quite simple and most refreshing
To think about.
I think it will be better now as my decisions and course
Of action materialize.
I think that I will achieve a higher opinion of myself
And a calmness from moving on. Itís time.
I thank you, God.
Thank you for your love and your care.
May you be with me in all that I do
And may all that I do be with you.
♦ ♦ ♦
The answers just keep right on coming in.
Itís getting better and better every day.
Iím amazed at how good just a few little
Things can feel after a run of bad luck.
Small things like a call from an old friend
Or meeting someone with whom you
Intend to become friends or making
A new friend.
Love, Dear God, opens so many doors
One wonders what possible alternative
Could there be.
There is none.
Love, Dear God, is the gift you gave
Us to make us happy on earth,
Kind to each other and respectable
In your eyes. True love can do
No wrong. If you love all men
You can cause no harm. If you cause
No harm but only do good you
Can love yourself and be truly happy.
Thank you God for today, for tomorrow
And for love.
♦ ♦ ♦
May I think things out well before I assume any actions?
Often times in the mists of confusion a situation
May seem to have no alternatives but do or die,
Go or stop, up or down.
Yet when we stop and evaluate
There can always be diagonal connecting.
The two alternatives to bring a completely
New and fresh approach
A simple satisfactory answer.
God, please help me with the answers.
Help me to make the right decisions
Without emotionalisms or resentment.
Helm me, Lord to get out from under
This barrel so I can breathe free
Air and once again see the sunshine
And the stars.
♦ ♦ ♦
May I find the wisdom for right thinking so that
I may make decisions for right doing?
As I look for change, may my eyes be open
And may I be aware of all the possibilities?
And when I take my step, dear Lord,
May they be well thought out and
May I act maturely, admirably, without sin?
♦ ♦ ♦
Happy is calm
Happy is cool
Happy is springtime
At rest by a pool.
Happy is nature
Happy is resting
My soul with thee.
♦ ♦ ♦
Thank you for a day and a duty to call my own.
Thank you for a message.
Thank you for understanding to be able to
Put things in this life in their right proportions and
To be aware of the absurdities yet
Not overcome by them. To be
Amused by coincidences, not frightened
By them. To be hopeful of tomorrow,
Not disturbed by it. To be confident
Of Eternity and not preoccupied
By it. To take days in stride
Not weeping about yesterday, not living
Tomorrow before it comes. To be
Kind to others, friendly, honest,
Helpful Ė to do good!
♦ ♦ ♦
In the quiet of my conscious mind may I be able to get my thinking straight.
It seems Iíve had too much ďCityĒ, God.
It seems that the real dreams I once cherished have taken dusty
Corners in my mind and have been undernourished
Have been allowed to go to sleep.
We are surrounded with things that men have made, Lord.
Buildings and sidewalks and streets and sewers and bridges and busses
And airports and houses and cars all man-made.
We have to put up with plastic flowers and splashing colors
That insult our humanity and baffle our souls.
We are bombarded with newscasts and piped-in music
And arousing pictures to distract us in ever direction we turn, Lord.
All made of man.
It is hard to find a place God, to rest our souls,
When you are working around us.
Where the doubt does not exist.
Where the truth is not concealed.
We donít have time to lean back and chew
On a leaf of green grass anymore.
The profit motive has us trapped.
We donít take time.
If mankind is doomed to live together like ants, Lord,
May we have the peace of mind to remember a snow-crested
Mountaintop framed by billowy clouds and blue sky?
A mountain stream rushing fresh clear water over polished rocks
Past sweet smelling pines.
May be able to find these things, Dear God, in our hearts.
In the hearts of each other?
May we find the Garden of Eden in our existential minds
And not loaf ourselves into sterile insanity?
May we know peace on earth in our hearts, Lord, in our souls?
The freedom of the winds, and the strength of the tides,
The light of the sun and the warmth of summer,
The health of running children,
The wills of good servants
And the charity of your son?
♦ ♦ ♦
God, I never thought in the absence of war
To pray for there to never be war
But now there is war.
War is something that I canít understand, God.
It doesnít make sense.
Some people say it is a good population control device
And that without wars and famine the world would soon be overpopulated.
I canít believe that.
I think that war is the destructive drive for power of selfish men.
Wars seem to come from someone looking at someone else who has
Something they want, and instead of negotiating, working, trading or buying,
They decide to take it from them.
But the people who are being threatened are fighting to maintain
What is theirs in the first place.
I wonder how long man must cater to these selfish men, God.
Doesnít it seem as though they are committing a crime to heaven as well as society?
Putting boys in the field to die before they are ready?
Before they know their souls?
May you have mercy on the boys who die in wars, Lord.
May you have mercy on the defenders and the aggressors, Lord.
May you have mercy on the tyrants, Lord.
And may the tyrants have mercy on mankind.
♦ ♦ ♦
I have seen the darkness and the inner depths of evil in mankind.
Yet not too late to find myself and change the guiding forces of my life.
I have crawled and squandered in selfishness.
I have sought pleasure and not reward.
I have touch evil instead of good
I have schemed and planned to get ahead
I have placed earthliness above all
I have gone out of my way to get revenge
I have been unkind
I have been pulled down by the eddies and cried out for help
I have forsaken my lord
I have looked for my soul in the wrong places
I have been spiritually lazy
I have been inattentive to the laws of the universe
I have cried for help
I have received comfort from the Lord
I have been blessed with my sanity.
Last Edited: 7/31/2001 6:30 PM
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